A Little More Off The Top, Please

What have I done? Every time I look in the mirror, that's what I ask myself. At the time I thought it was a good idea. No, not just a good idea - a great idea. Come on now, all you ladies out there. After even just a few weeks, you're sick of your haircut too, aren't you? Well just think how someone feels who's had the same shaggy hairdo since day one. I needed a new me.

I can't even really say hairdo though, can I? I mean, technically speaking, I have fur. So it just kinda grows and falls out. But that's depressing. If I were an old hamster, I'd accept it, but not when my skin is so taught and glowing. TaTa has it lucky with just scales to worry about. But how does the dude not get chilly? Yeah, I get the whole warm blooded/cold blooded thing, but then wouldn't he just be perpetually cold? Maybe it's the kind of thing where if you're cold all the time you don't even notice it after a while. Why did this occur to me? Well, because I couldn't very well cut my own hair, could I? So I handed the scissors over to my pal Edward Fishyhands. Man, that water is cold.

Maybe the problem wasn't that he's a bad stylist, just that he had to lean his body against one blade while using his fins to grasp the other blade, pulling the two together. And it's all done above water - where he can't breathe! If you think it sounds complicated, you should see him actually doing it. I swear, he's the David Blaine of fish. I'm going to give it a couple of weeks and see how it grows out. In the meantime, I'll just use lots of product. Now where did I put that mega hold gel?