According to Chinese doctrine, 2009 will be the Year of the Ox. You heard me right, and I'm as disgruntled as you are. Look it up. And when exactly was the Year of the Rat (which is as close as I'd come to the Year of the Hamster)? 2008! You mean I missed the whole thing? What a ripoff. I know what you're thinking - an actual rat would turn me into chop suey with a side order of dumplings. But if you take the time to investigate, my species isn't too far off from those sewer rodents anyway. And what would that mean for me? I could have been sitting pretty - at least until January 1, 2009.Just think of all the lost chances - the full fur massages, claw pedicures, corrective eye surgery so I don't just see black and white anymore... the list could have been endless. Instead, I now have to sit back and watch some steroid-inflated cow take all the glory. I mean, what do cows (oops, I mean oxen) really do anyway? Other than pulling a plow, I haven't seen Ol' Betsy split the atom or anything. The one exception I guess would be over in India.
Have you seen the bovine species over there? They must be doing something right because folks in India do all but drive them around in limos... or rickshaws... or whatever they drive over there. I guess all I can do is bide my time till Dick Clark's plastic replacement counts down the end of 2009. When that happens I'll be shaking cocktails and kissing a set of fish lips as that sparkly hamster ball drops.
1 comment:
DO NOT PANIC! There's still time! Chinese New Year doesn't begin until January 25th this year.
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