G'Night, John-Boy

You may have noticed that I've been on edge as of late. I've been meaning to say something about it. Sorry, but I always get that way a couple of weeks before my family comes to visit. I've never been more glad that the clerk at Pets-O-Rama picked me up to sell to little Sally Drizzlenose more than when I see my old brood again.

It would be one thing if during their visit we could all just go to our separate corners once in a while, but have you ever seen my place? It's one room. Then there's listening to my mother the whole visit; "You look like you've put on weight, Noodle. Why can't you be more like your sister Powderpuff, Noodle? Who's that weird fish over there, Noddle?" That's usually my breaking point. Say what you will about my weight and sibling comparison, but nobody steps to TaTa. Then the fights break out. And after all that... we get to sleep together right on top of one another (sounds weird, but trust me, it's all part of the burrowing instinct). By the time they all leave, I'm holding my breath just so I can get lightheaded.

And it never fails - someone always leaves something behind so I know they'll be back agan like an itchy rash. Don't misunderstand me. I love them, of course I do. But I love them the way you love the planet Jupiter. It's really pretty from afar, but as soon as you get too close the gravitational force squishes you into hamster goo. Well, from an emotional standpoint, that is. You get the idea.